To advance their careers, Rabinovich and Khaimovich decided to convert to Christianity. As they were afraid of the baptism ceremony, they dragged their feet for several months, each of them hoping that the other one would convert first and then tell about the procedure. Finally, they couldn't put it off for longer, so they threw dice. Rabinovich was to go to the church first, and Khaimovich would wait outside. With tears in his eyes, Rabinovich hugged Khaimovich and, shaking in fear, walked into the church. Khaimovich stayed outside, waiting impatiently for his friend's reappearance. In twenty minutes Rabinovich walked out, stretched his limbs and lit a cigarette. Khaimovich ran toward the new Christian and asked, "Nu, Isaak, tell me, how was it?" Rabinovich answered, "First, I am not Isaak, but Ivan. Second, kike, you better tell me why did you crucify our Jesus Christ?"
First off, I wasn't there at the time. It's impossible. That was 33 AD, and now it's 2000-something. Unless you think I am some sort of Two Thousand Year Old Man or I have a time machine jammed up my ass, I have an incredibly fucking strong alibi. If I did have a time machine, I wouldn't be going back and killing the Son of God. After finding out who really killed Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe, I'd be castrating your father with a hedge trimmer just before he fucked his sister and she gave birth to you. [ ... ] Next, if you believe the creepy ghost story that the bearded hippie came back from the dead, then it really wasn't murder after all. When you murder someone, they're dead. Draw a chalk outline around them and start looking in their pockets for spare change. But Jesus apparently didn't die. A few days later, he's back causing a public disturbance again. You'd think that the first thing he'd do is bathe... being dead a few days must have stank up to high hell. But at worst, it was attempted murder and not Murder One like the holier-than-thou "Christ Killer" claim. Since we've got more lawyers in our clan than you guys, I bet we'll get off with reckless endangerment or assault, so after 3 or 4 years we'll get parole so you can kindly shut the fuck up about Christ Killers after 2005, got it?
Western Australia's elite politico-educational bureacracy creaked dozily into semi-action mere days afterwards.
A Perth principal who tried to cancel the school's traditional Anzac Day ceremony yesterday defended his decision, saying he thought a formal service might traumatise students from war-torn countries. Koondoola Primary School principal Rudy Rybarczyk [for the love of God, buy a vowel!] had decided it was not appropriate to have an Anzac Day service given the ethnic diversity of the students.
I note that the education minister's desire to hold the ANZAC Day service is prompted not by the fact that it's important in and of itself as an expression of Australian culture and identity, but because of fear of a backlash. Evil, racist, white Skippies, crazed with Christian fundamentalist-inspired hatred of the Prophet (pbuh), would doubtless descend on the school and tear the innocent Muslim students into bloody chunks. Puh-leeze!
But Education Minister Alan Carpenter intervened yesterday and overturned the decision, saying it could have led to vilification of the school's Iraqi students. "Anzac Day is about understanding what war is about and it is an integral part of the Australian cultural landscape," Mr Carpenter said. "If I hadn't interfered this way, that school would have had everyone on their doorstep demanding to know why it was done. It would have done more damage than holding the service." [ ... ] Mr Carpenter said that since the war on Iraq began, his office had received many letters asking "in base terms" why the Government allowed Islamic schools. He was concerned about vilification which could extend to the school if it had banned the Anzac service. "It would have ignited all that ugly prejudice we don't want to see," Mr Carpenter said.
I remember at school, any Maori student who did well in exams was labelled a "Mallowpuff" (chocolate on the outside, but white in the inside, the US equivalent would be "Oreo") and teased unmercifully. It was a way for some of the dumber kids to drag their superiors down to their level by imposing an assumption about Maori culture not valuing education. Being clever just wasn't "street" enough. I also recall that there were plenty of Maori kids who refused to buy that crap, but others lacked the will to defy the collective. At least this girl stood up for herself!
A student who accused a Maori Anglican bishop of racial insults received a secret payout of $10,000. Miriama Mokomoko claimed she was driven from a social services course by bullying tactics from Bishop John Gray, who heads the Maori Anglican church in the South Island. The bishop taught cultural awareness to social work students at Te Whare Wananga O Te Waipounamu – the church's regional training and education arm. He allegedly called Ms Mokomoko a "mixed-up Maori" who had "too much pakeha" because she wore attractive clothes and make-up.
How much of this race hucksterism is going on that we're NOT hearing about?
Four other students who attended Te Waipounamu are now locked in their own battle with the Anglican church. They are demanding almost $90,000 compensation for alleged "abhorrent behaviour" by Bishop Gray, and other grievances. One of the students, Sharyn Wasley-Hill, alleged the bishop asked her how she would react to the name "white trash". Another student, Nyree Bowen-Lilly, complained after being told the bishop had allegedly called her a "half-baked cookie" behind her back.
Smoke her a kipper, she'll be back for breakfast, just in time for tea and medals.
When anti-war/pro-Saddam types had finished trotting out all the dumb clichés to no avail - "It's About Oil!" (yes, among other things, and unless you live in a cave or a windmill and walk everywhere rather than take a car, bus or plane, then shut up, you hypocrite); "We Armed Him!" (not much, the USSR mostly, but even if we did it a bit, then surely it was our responsibility to make up for that by taking him out); "It'll Make Muslims Angry!" (duh! they were angry before) - they always came over all misty-eyed about the troops. "Our Boys! Bring them home! Now!" Yes, what were formerly units of the English Fascist Imperialist Killing Machine, all through the 30-plus years of keeping the Catholics and Protestants from massacring each other in Northern Ireland, who as an occupying army deserved all they got from those brave kiddy-killing Republicans (but anti-abortionists! the IRA, like Reagan, believed that the sanctity of life began at conception and ended at birth), are now suddenly precious flowers of humanity, not one of whom the most hardline of self-loathing Brit-haters can bear to see suffer so much as a flesh wound.
And think that everyone should immediately begin making donations to PETA. Recommendation? Send them a bag of charcoal. Nifty purse design suggestions might help, too.
It never really caught on in Scotland.
"God grant that General Wade May be Thy mighty aid Victory bring May he sedition hush And like a torrent rush Rebellious Scots to crush God save the King"
The name of this is 'that chicken thing I just made up'
4 chicken wingsPrepare rice in rice cooker, with liberal dosage of garlic and onion powders and a couple of tablespoons of butter. Arrange chicken wings in the bottom of Pyrex dish. Coat liberally with garlic and onion powders, and pepper. Mash cooked rice onto and around wings. Add more butter. Dump can of cream of chicken soup on top, as is. Cover and bake for one hour to one hour 15 minutes in a 350(F) oven. Chef's tip: Do not take a nap and let this cook for almost three hours instead of the recommended period. It doesn't burn, per se, but the chicken does stick to the bottom, and is so tender that it comes apart when you dish it up. The nice golden brown and crispy skin parts get left behind. Still tastes good, though.
about 1 cup or so of cooked rice
1 can of cream of chicken soup
butter (of course)
Things have totally gotten out of hand now, haven't they. What started out as simply a morning annoyance has now spread half way around the world, leaving consternation in its wake. I'm just as amazed as Bruce is, that this situation continues unabated. The only first hand example I can draw on is the 5am prayer calls from my time over in the Gulf. Wake you up they will, the first two or three mornings, blasting over the finest PA system that can be rigged from a mosque tower less than 100 yards away from your billet. Usually, however, by the third morning or so, it is an expected background noise, and it doesn't even register. Since this was a possibility, and there weren't any scary images being generated for constant consumption on all the cable channels, letting this just play itself out was the first choice. Have to say that no, can't just whistle up a cell of BUFFs to lay in a full load of Mk82s on the neighborhood. Wouldn't want to either, as this would certainly be assigned to the 'high risk of collateral damage' targeting list. This would call for much subtler weaponeering - to the point of obliterating the target (woodpecker), without inflicting damage to either the metal flue stack, nor the surrounding shingling. Think we've heard a lot about this bird? Imagine what it'd be like every time it rained if there was a leak in the roof! The outrage would make the looting of the Museum in Baghdad shrink to the level of a kid swiping a candy bar from the corner 7-11 in comparison. Direct action (such as the Arc Light approach, or even the popular JDAM through the upper left corner of the top right window) would probably be way too messy. It also runs additional risks as well, the possibility of running afoul of Federal Animal Protection statutes and all. Sheesh, the thought of the US Attorney's office and PETA teaming up to come after you...the stuff of nightmares. That pretty much eliminates that type of approach, thank goodness. The staffing of the request up to the JCS (including but not limited to - background papers, PowerPoint briefings, funding and apportionment hassles, impacts on recurring training and qualification levels for the crews, the studies to determine effect on the overall life cycle of the weapon system, the need for a specialized improvement to existing detection and targeting systems to increase the percentage of times that the woodpecker 'signature' is correctly identified, spiral development timing and cost estimates for the upgrades program, formulation of specific tactics, techniques and procedures for woodpecker engagement in a variety of modes to include low level, medium level, and high level, along with a complete integration of known or suspected threats and options for dealing with same in all profiles, plus the exercises and live range validation of these procedures...) is a 'significant hurdle' to overcome for just a frikkin noisy bird. Not that it couldn't happen, with the right backing, but without that, realistically estimate that by the time all the paperwork is done, if there isn't a fight in Congressional appropriation for the funding, and there are no unexpected glitches from the R&D realm, we might have a solution for the problem by the 3rd quarter of fiscal year 2009. Not so sure I can really endorse the psyops options described either. Although some humans may have demonstrated a marked lack of environmental adaptability in this particular situation, there are many examples of birds doing so. For years now, civilian and military airfield managers, particularly along migratory flight paths, have grappled with the issue of birds. Not for the noise factor at 6am, but simply because the modern turbofan engine gets severe indigestion after sucking up a few ducks, or a couple of Canadian geese. Now while the artificial noise tack does seem good on paper, the 'stupid' animals usually catch on pretty quickly, and ignore it. Most places have hired teams, with dogs, random noisemakers, all very expensive. As for the final set of four courses of action, exploring the military option makes about as much sense. Keep in mind that these tips come from a bunch of folks dedicated to making sure that nary a feather on the lil' darlings heads gets ruffled in the process. Somehow, I have a hard time visualizing, much less even conceiving, of Meryl climbing on the roof with a roll of hardware cloth to construct a barrier around the chimney vent to keep the woodpecker at bay. Not that I don't think she can manage the construction aspect of it, its that she herself has mentioned an absolute dread of heights. however, sidestepping this fear of heights might just be the ticket. Meryl needs to sweet talk somebody into climbing up there. But not armed with unsightly hardware cloth. Pine resin. Now is the time of year for it, and its everywhere. Just check your car (jeep) if you park anywhere near pine trees. And it isn't too water soluble so it won't just wash off with the first heavy rain. Its sticky. *note* most birds HATE sticky. Avoid it like, well, sticky. Get someone to coat the top of the flue (only the top) with some pine resin. It isn't sticky enough to make the woodpecker a semi-permanent rotting fixture, but enough to probably make him cross it off his '10 good ways to pick up babes' short list.
According to the website, any of these recorded distress cries should bring you bears, bobcats, cougars, coyotes, foxes, and raccoons. Um, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't suddenly have a pack of cougars wandering past your window, or get slapped with a nuisance writ by your neighbours because a grizzly took little Timmy. Suburban Richmond would only have raccoons and maybe foxes, right? Right? Back me up here! Actually, what it almost certainly WOULD attract is cats. And even if they don't nail the woodpecker, he might take one look at your neighbourhood, now swarming with deadly felines, and decide Maryland looks a lot healthier. There, a possible solution. And they say the Internet is a waste of time! If all else fails, I suppose you could always read "4 Ways to Get Rid of Woodpeckers", but I'm sure Meryl wouldn't want to do something as obvious as that.
CT116A Squealing Bird Grown Woodpecker Distress Super Effective On All Predators CT116B Baby Woodpecker Great Sounds For Cats, Coons & Coyotes CT116E Squealing Woodpecker Rapid, High Pitch Distress Will Bring Impressive Results
Can be found in Marc Cooper's online essay at the LA Weekly. Must have been trying to get his left foot on blue while he had his right hand on green, or some such thing, when he came up with his analogy to denounce the latest excesses of the Castro regime in Cuba in delusional terms of an amok John Ashcroft.
Have you ever imagined what it would be like living in a society where, say, a John Ashcroft would be unrestrained by the niceties of constitutional law? Where draconian enforcement of a Patriot Act includes long prison terms for alleged thought crimes? Where, in the name of fighting “terrorism,” nonviolent prisoners are summarily executed after being denied even the trappings of due process?Somebody get the man a fresh roll of tinfoil. Marc does show a slight glimpse of recognition of sanity, way, way off in the distance, at least enough to realize that what has happened in Cuba lately is horrid, and that, hey, there is actually a difference between a totalitarian dictatorship and, say for instance, the United States.
I don’t pretend to know the minutiae of Cuban law (a seeming oxymoron) well enough to tell if it is a high felony to hobnob with gringo diplomats. (I do know I have had coffee numerous times with Cuban diplomats here in the U.S., and they have given me books and magazines, and I never once thought that would land me in prison.) But when police arrested these dissidents they found no grenades, dynamite or guns. But rather, in a scene right out of Fahrenheit 451, the uniformed defenders of the Cuban Revolution confiscated fax machines, typewriters and computers. Spin this any way you please, but in the end these people are being jailed not for anything they have done — but rather for things they have said. Or read.Marc continues to seem to drift in a nether leftist void, where reality is visible, yet can only be described in the most abstract and esoteric ways, seeming to lack any solid point of reference
Some friends of mine urged me not to write this column, arguing that at a time when U.S. troops are occupying Iraq, this would only “play into the hands of the right.” That is, of course, ridiculous. There are many enemies of freedom in the world, and — no — not all of them live in Washington. The actions taken by Fidel Castro this past month, precisely in this moment of American belligerence, are guaranteed to only please the ultraright. They help confirm my longtime suspicion that Castro lives in mortal fear that his most powerful tool of social control, the U.S. embargo, will one day be lifted.This thought process must inhabit an orbit out near the Oort cloud somewhere - to frame these actions in terms of being, somehow, pleasing, to anyone borders on absolutely revolting. The bottom line conclusion, that Castro did this to incite the US into a position of not dropping the sanctions is quite probably accurate, but what a surreal path this follows to get there. Sometimes it is actually easier to just call evil exactly that - no paranoid comparisons required, nor a Twister spinner, either. (Via Instapundit and Matt Welch, who has some comments of his own)
Any man whose idea of fun is threatening to shoot George Galloway and Robert Fisk is okay in my book.
"The French say that everybody else has a self-interest in Iraq. But none is more obvious than theirs, and they're absolutely blind to it," he says. "Why should America listen to what France now has to say? "I've lived in Europe for years. I have a lot of dear friends there. But if they're so smart, why Franco? Why fascism? I just think they should be more curious about their own regimes.'' Lest anyone question his right to comment on such matters, Malkovich adds: "My father was a soldier. My uncle was a soldier. And the reason that our parents fought and died for things is so that people can get up and shoot off their mouths about things they know fuck all about."
If you haven't already seen it, go check out the new, improved, Sekimori designed Command Post. Tell ya what, Michele and Alan deserve all the accolades they've received for the CP. And then some. Its been an awesome ride so far, and I'm absolutely humbled to have even a minor role. What Alan and Michele have put together is simply just about one of the best things I've seen anywhere on the web, drawing on the talents of many, for the benefit of everyone. Thanks guys!
You know, I could have sworn there was something in that agreement about halting terror as well, but in the demented bizzaro-world of the PLO, what's mine is mine, and what's yours is negotiable. Unless this "immunity" refers to some sort of "let me shoot Kiefer Sutherland in exchange for the location of the nuclear bomb in Los Angeles" kind of deal, than I don't think the US government will be terribly interested. Not that I'm against shooting Kiefer Sutherland, especially given his performance in "The Three Musketeers". What was he thinking? An agreement isn't binding when one of the signatories comprehensively breaks it, as I think we can all agree the Palestinians have done. So that's it. No immunity for you! Now duct-tape the bastard to a wheelchair, attach it to the steam catapault on the "Kitty Hawk", and shoot him off in the general direction of oblivion already!
Palestinian Cabinet member Saeb Erakat said Wednesday that the United States violated the Oslo peace accords when it apprehended Abbas. Erakat pointed to the 1993 Oslo Accord, an Israeli-Palestinian interim agreement covering the West Bank and Gaza and signed by the United States, Israel, the Palestinian Authority, the European Union, Russia, Jordan, Egypt and Norway. That agreement specified that no member of the Palestine Liberation Organization will be arrested or brought to court for any action that happened before September 13, 1993, the day the Oslo accord was signed, Erakat said.
Check out this bunch of brutish 'invaders'. I think Murray wants them to frisk him. Tom repeated he wants an example of 'military discipline'. Dave already has his hands up, and the Captain has one hand up and ...hey, quit that!!
US Forces played that popular game show known as GOTCHA! today in Iraq. Today's contestant was none other than Palestinian terrorist Abu Abbas. Although Reuters does the usual, describing Abbas as a 'geurrilla leader' and his victim during the Achille Lauro hijacking as simply 'an elderly American.' Abbas gets to play GOTCHA because he's a terrorist scumbag. Leon Klinghoffer wasn't simply an 'elderly American,' he was a man confined to a wheelchair, chosen by his murderers because he was Jewish. So Johnny, what has Abu won for playing GOTCHA today?
Yes! Mr. Abbas has won himself an all expenses paid airplane ride, hopefully with really tight handcuffs and leg irons on, to an idyllic 6 foot by 8 foot destination without a view. He'll be provided with the best ill fitting orange jumpsuit in the pile over there, and fed whatever slop we see fit to load up with pork fat for him. After a little while, Mr. Abbas can go on trial for MURDER with AGGREVATED CIRCUMSTANCE, and take a shot at the big prize, the Death Penalty! If he ends up with that prize he has so richly deserved for so long, we're sorry to say that he won't be going on a cruise ship, where he'd be duct taped to a wheelchair, butt stroked with an automatic rifle several times, then kicked overboard. (big awwww from the studio audience) He'll just be strapped down and be put to death quietly via lethal injection. (spontaneous applause, even without the prompters)Thanks folks, tune in tommorrow, when we'll play another round of GOTCHA!
I'd joked about it in various comments sections, following the revelation of Uday's lil nest-o-luv on the Tigris, that the worst nightmare about the whole thing might be the discovery of a secret video taping system. Yech. It appears again that reality holds more disturbing and twisted stuff than one can imagine. If the thought of a 'Best of Uday in Action' video makes your skin crawl, you don't even want to consider this - The Emperor - why do people send him this stuff?) ::Update:: - Story is most likely bogus - source is the Weekly World News, a paragon of journalistic integrity, right along with CNN.
"I have nothing to apologize for," she told WABC Radio's Steve Malzberg, who requested an interview with the comedian-turned-peacenik for his Sunday morning broadcast. Malzberg tells NewsMax that instead of agreeing to the interview request, Garofalo boasted that her upcoming TV show on [American] ABC was going forward despite a tidal wave of complaints received by the network. "Boycotters are welcome to keep giving me tons of publicity," she dared before reiterating, "There will be no apologies."She's being hugely dishonest - in either reneging on her word, or simply denying that the conditions warrant her carrying through - in other words, she wasn't wrong. Deep, deep denial. I don't recall her attaching the caveat that Baghdad Bob had to specifically mention the Janeane Garofalo was wrong as being a criteria. I do plan on remembering her equivocation, however, and look forward with anticipation to her vapid 'look at me' endeavour to tank before it runs a full 13 week season. It should also be remembered the next time she steps out of the land of make believe to share 'deep thoughts' in the future.
Good for them. Hey, maybe if you ask the soon-to-be-established Israeli Embassy nicely, they'll give you some actual Kalashnikovs (Motto: "The only item of Soviet military hardware that's worth a damn") Laurence Simon notes:
Iraqi Muslims came to the aid of Baghdad’s tiny Jewish community yesterday, chasing out looters trying to sack its cultural center in the heart of the capital. “At 3:00 a.m., I saw two men, one with a beard, on the roof of the Jewish community house and I cried out to my friend, ‘Hossam, bring the Kalashnikovs!” said Hassam Kassam, 21. Neither Hassan nor Hossam, who is the guard at the center, was armed at the time but the threat worked in scaring off the intruders. Two hours later, the looters returned again and Hassan Kassem used the trick once more.
Of course not. I mean, it goes without saying, doesn't it?
Even in a country with a fucked up "Allah is Great" in the flag, there's still a handful of Jews that remain worth preserving. I mean, you don't see "Yahweh Kicks Ass" in the Israeli flag, do you?
Aside from the absolute reprehensibility of Eason Jordan's admissions (free registration required) about what the CNN Baghdad folks knew was going on, but failed to tell the world... Isn't Mr. Jordan basically an accesory to the specific crimes he knew about in advance, but did nothing to prevent? Such as
We also had to worry that our reporting might endanger Iraqis not on our payroll. I knew that CNN could not report that Saddam Hussein's eldest son, Uday, told me in 1995 that he intended to assassinate two of his brothers-in-law who had defected and also the man giving them asylum, King Hussein of Jordan.That sounds like prior knowledge of intent to commit murder, and with the other episodes that Mr. Jordan had knowledge of, he can hardly toss this off as being idle chatter or a bluff. He knew the man he was speaking with would actually try it, given the opportunity. Given that two of the three men mentioned ended being killed, his silence makes him an accomplice to those crimes, does it not? Criminal News Network - The Network more Dictators trust..... to keep quiet.